The Power of Saying: "It Is What It Is" (And Actually Meaning It)
“It is what it is”
How many times have you said that phrase to a friend in response to a frustrating situation wishing that it were the truth? Often times we are faced with situations that make it hard to accept what is without letting the emotions that come with the struggle control our lives. Pain in life is inevitable, but struggle doesn’t have to be. Enter in the mindset shift that can give you more peace and freedom in the midst of suffering: radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance is a therapeutic technique that originated in dialectal behavioral therapy. At its core it’s pretty simple - if we can accept distressing emotions or situations without judgement, we can prevent prolonged suffering. Now I can guess what you’re thinking - “I don’t like uncomfortable emotions so how on earth could I ever accept them?” But that’s the best part, accepting a difficult emotion doesn’t mean we have to like it or invite it to stick around, In fact, when practicing radical acceptance, we’ll often find that the attention shift decreases the intense emotion and invites more peace. Radical acceptance is a series of continuous, small choices that can make big changes in your emotional wellbeing.
So how do we do this?
Below are a some practical tips:
Defusion
By separating yourself from thoughts, you can make a choice about how you want to act in the face of adversity instead of your emotions making the choice for you. There are many thought defusion techniques but one of my favorites is called Naming The Story. Whenever you notice a recurring negative pattern that your mind falls back on (e.g., "The 'I can't do anything right' story") simply label it neutrally: "Oh look, here’s the ‘I can’t do anything right story again’. This breaks the thought pattern loop and allows us to make a choice about how we would like to proceed.
Values Guided Action
Once you’ve created a break in the thought loop through defusion you can ask yourself “how can I take a step towards the things that I value even in the middle of these difficult thoughts, feelings, or situations?”
Not sure what you value most? Search for an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) values sort and fill it out. Your answers may surprise you and aid in decision making clarity.
Once you’re clear on your values, it becomes easier to make decisions that help us move through distressing situations instead of remaining stuck.
If any of this resonates with you I would love to help you clarify values, defuse from difficult thoughts, and practice radical acceptance in your daily life. I currently have virtual openings for new clients and would be honored to be a part of your journey. Visit my “book a session” page to reach me.
Be Well.
Emily
